Scott Walker

Seriously? Scott Walker is Your Guy?

I’ll admit it, GOP folk. I’m genuinely confused. Scott Walker is the 2016 hopeful that has you all hot and bothered? Let me get this straight.

You’re telling me you’re throwing your support behind the guy who, when asked how he’d handle challenges like ISIS, referenced his battle with the unions in Wisconsin, bellowing, “If I can take on 100,000 protesters, I can do the same across the world.

Because peaceful protesters fighting for representation and fair wages are totally the same as the militants beheading innocents overseas. Even Cowboy Rick Perry knows that’s bullshit of the highest order.

You’re saying you’re going to stand behind the man who went on to clarify his approach to eradicating ISIS and common threats by stating, “They are like a virus in your computer that takes out your whole computer. If you don’t weed it out you’re just gonna be back at it again more and more.”

My God, his military insights are stunning. Will he apply those same tactics to protesters outside the White House?

You are cheerleading a politician so gullible he actually believed a prankster in 2011 was David Koch, and admitted to contemplating placing provocateurs in with the protesters to try to incite violence during the call?

It’s cool though. He didn’t ACTUALLY do it. Why?

“My only fear would be is if there was a ruckus caused is that that would scare the public into thinking maybe the governor has gotta settle to avoid all these problems.”

[READ: Not because it would make him a horrible person and public servant, but because he thought it might hurt public opinion on his competence.]

You’re arguing that Walker, who – despite taking some of the most extreme measures we’ve seen in recent years to right his state’s economy – has generated performance below the national average while ballooning their debt, is the one to take over the realms of a deficit you’re already angry about?

For people so sure the economy is tanking despite evidence suggesting recovery, that’s not exactly confidence inspiring. And where’s that fiscal responsibility? I mean, unless you’re telling me deficits only matter when Democrats are in charge

You truly believe that, in an era when America’s education system is stacking up poorly against every nation we’re supposed to care about (and even some we don’t), a man who is pushing sweeping cuts to higher education is going to help our nation’s global competitiveness?

Just sayin’ – it’s one thing to piss off a state full of teachers. It’s another to take that stupidity to the big show. Try a whole nation full of angry teachers, struggling students, and concerned parents on for size.

You really think that propelling Walker – one of the most easily identifiable anti-union figures around today – onto a national stage is going to win you votes in a country where everyone knows someone who’s union?

The economy is no where near as bad as it was in 2008, but we’ve still got some major issues with income inequality to tackle, and Walker’s bluster isn’t going to play as heroism outside the pearly white halls of Wisconsin’s suburbia. The real world isn’t monochromatic and wealthy. And on that note…

You actually want the player who has consistently pitted diverse, urban communities against primarily white, affluent, conservative communities, creating one of the most polarized community dynamics in the nation, to take the helm at one of the most significant moments for racial justice discourse in decades?

We’re talking about the kind of guy who’s good with playing the race card to his advantage, just as long as he doesn’t get caught. That devil may care attitude is not reserved for racial prejudice, either. What do I mean?

One anonymous e-mail, forwarded by Walker’s then–chief of staff, went like this: “THE NIGHTMARE … ‘I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug-addicted Jewish homosexual … but please, oh dear God, don’t make me a Democrat.’ ” Another compares welfare recipients to dogs: They are “mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and have no frigging clue who the r [sic] Daddys [sic] are.” This message was forwarded around by Walker’s then–deputy chief of staff, who remarked that it was “hilarious” and “so true.” Last year, Walker also fired two aides after reporters exposed offensive comments they had made on social media. His campaign’s deputy finance director, for instance, sent out tweets that included references to “half-breeds” and one in which she vowed to “choke that illegal mex cleaning in the library.”

You’re backing him despite the fact that he wanted to make medically unnecessary transvaginal ultrasounds – an invasive procedure intended to incite discomfort and shame that has been described as state sanctioned rape – mandatory for women seeking an abortion?

You’re inserting a foreign object into a woman’s vagina as a quid pro quo for access to medical services, assholes. Yeah.  That ish has played so well for you when in the national spotlight. Though I suppose it’s still less offensive than his total opposition to abortion, even in cases of rape and incest (not that such a qualifier should be necessary anyway… but it IS an important distinction for the public).

You’re attempting to put yet another straight, white, cisgendered, out of touch governor with the verbal coordination of a drunken manatee when facing “gotcha” questions from the “liberal” media – and about the same amount of experience on matters of national import – in the White House?

Do you remember how the last person that fit that description fared?

I could keep going. But this is just making me sad.

Listen, I want an actual race in 2016. We’re facing a lot of crucial decisions, and the public deserves an election that will foster productive debate and discourse on the issues. You’ve got to have someone better than this clown.

… right?